Normal Again! :D

So, after spending a day in daycare, I think I got better now. Maybe it was the first day of school holidays, only few students came. And that made my work easier compared to the schooling days. Although today wasn't as busy as I'd expected, and I got a lot of time to do some thinking stuff, but thank god I finally got myself out of the depression that I'd been struggled to get out from for two days. 

Perhaps I'm still not able to play on the safe side like how I was. But at least I've stopped myself from moving farther away from the safe side. I've calmed myself down now. That was just a rush of feeling after drunk, I guess. I'm gonna be alright. :)

Nobody's gonna stay beside you forever, not even your parents. So don't try to depend on people, you're gonna fall hard and get hurt when they leave you. 

I feel normal again!

Let's enjoy what I have now. 

:)

Unlocked

Last Friday night, I drank Chivas 12 again. Hah. I was so tired that day, I knew for sure that I'm going to drunk, but I just wanna drink it anyway. And yeah, no surprise, I was drunk again. But this time it was different. I didn't call people randomly. I fell asleep at 1am, and when I thought thing would just ended like this, I got up at 2 something. Threw up few times, and kept dialing the same number repeatedly. And nobody answered, and tears dropped in the middle of the night. Loneliness stroke me. And after texted few messages, finally I got into sleep again. Woke up by the nausea at 7something. Felt very uncomfortable for the rest of the day. 

And something changed after that night. It's like something within me had been unlocked. I'm not the indifferent one anymore. I've became someone that I can't recognize. I feel so different, and that difference scares me. I hold no control of my own emotions anymore. I shouldn't be that vulnerable, I shouldn't have loved that much. That's just not me. I don't fall in love with someone deeply. I never cross the boundary, I'd always stay at the safe side. But somehow, this time things just seem to be changed. I crossed the boundary even before myself knowing that. I'd never afraid of break-up, as I always believe that it's inevitable. People would change, promises are meant to break, and forever doesn't exist. That's what I've always believe in. And I'm still believe in that. But this time, I have that weird feeling, that if this doesn't end well, I'm going to need a lot of time to get up. 

I don't know what to do. Seriously. The fear stroke me, badly. I guess I just have to find some ways to get myself normal again. I don't like the vulnerable me. I got two days to clear my mind and figure out what've went wrong. And I have to try to fix it. Thing should go back to how it was before. I should get back the old me. God bless. 

Smile, stay positive.

I'm strong enough to face the fear.

And I'm strong enough to conquer it.

Don't expect others to understand you.

You'll still have to fight by yourself.

So I'm fighting!

Birthday? ♥

Okay, so yesterday is his birthday. We went out for dinner and movie. Planned to go for RedBox but he changed his mind at last minute. Too bad. I rushed home at 7pm and we went out at 8.15pm. Dined in Sushi King and then movie 'Bad Girls' at GSC. 

No surprise, no birthday cake, no birthday song, just like a normal date. Hmm. I'm seriously not a good gf I guess. :/ Anyway, I did bought him a birthday present. I hope he likes it as you know I'm really not good in buying gift for guy. Hah.

And yeah, I told him about what his best friend told me, except the part that he didn't allow me to say. Okay, I'm not good in hiding things and thoughts. And I don't like to keep thinking myself, ask, if I'm confused. :D

By the way, I forgot to take the picture of us again. I planned to do something with the pictures and I failed to take the pictures. Damn! Too bad, I was too timid. :/

Actually I'm enjoying this kind of interaction. We're not relying on each other, we're independent. We do the things we like, and don't stick to each other like all day. Lots of my friends told me, we don't look like couple. Hah. But I guess that's why we broke my record? I'm such a weird person. :/

Anyway, saw this quote in the movie 'Bad Girls' and I'm so in love with it! 

我们的生命中有许多的过客。如果不是过客，那他一定还会再回来。

So now I will stop demanding things. 

Just let God decides, whether this friendship is meant to keep or break.

All the best to me.

Happy birthday Mei Xue!

Happy birthday my dear Lao Ee!!!!!!
All the best and remember I always love you :)

Why Complicate Life?

I had complicated my life lately. Thinking about what do I want and what do I need. And I think I was kinda lost. I kept telling myself not to care too much, but then sometimes I wonder, if I don't care at all, then am I still considered to be in love? I don't like hurt and disappointment, so I always remind myself not to expect too much, from others. And I just saw a post in Fb, I realised I shouldn't have think too much. 

Keep my life simple silly. :D

Separation comes again. 

I don't know what to do.

Just let it be.

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day. :D We went for a small celebration in Ingolf just now. And had a photoshooting session after dinner at Straits Quay. You know what, family is always the one who will always be with you no matter what happened. :)

I did something stupid just now, when I was totally conscious and aware of what I'm doing. Slap me please. Anyway, finally I'm now able to accept the fact that people move on, when life goes on. All the best to everyone of us.

That's my mummy.

Thanks for everything you've done for me.

I love you. :D

A lesson learnt

So last night I went to Library with Rong Yao them. Drank some beer. Maybe I had a long time didn't touch alcoholic drinks, so I got a little blur after a bottle of Stella and a glass of Hoegaarden. Hah. And so you know what would I do when I was drunk. 

I texted some nonsense to him. Okay. I'm regretting. It's stupid. And like how a friend said, I was making a fool out of myself. And that's not gonna happen again. Ever. A lesson learnt, don't ever lose control.

Haha. Suddenly I was thinking about the people who were willing to listen to my bullshits when I was drunk. Some people left, and will never come back. Treasure the memories that are left behind. At least we were once best friends. :)

The less you care,

the happier you are.